Where Did Chemistry in Conversation Go?

Do you feel a missing connection or chemistry in your conversations lately?

Do you find yourself in conversations where the other person isn’t listening to anything you are saying? They are not present. They are too busy preparing what they are going to say next.

I struggle with this one. Does anyone else?

It gets lonely in conversations in the singles world on Kauai.

Excluding the ones with my children, I notice I’m occupying less than 10% of the conversations I hold these days. And when I do finally speak, it’s unrecognized. It never goes any further. There’s no genuine interest from the other side.

I long for chemistry in conversation. I long to be truly heard. I long to occupy more of the conversation time. I long to be asked questions and feel another’s genuine curiosity. And I’ve felt this way for most of my life.

To be in conversations where I’m not stuck listening to petty shit I don’t give a fuck about. Or stuck noticing the person I’m talking to doesn’t give a shit about what I’m talking about. What’s the point of surface conversations or conversations focused on one person’s interests?

Did we become more important because we are busy?

Did we become more validated because we make money?

Did we decide it’s interesting to others to talk about how much money we make and spend?

Besides being busy and making money, what other ways can you offer chemistry in conversation?

Does the amount of money we make determine our value?

If you make a billion dollars but offer no chemistry in your intimate conversations, what value are you adding for your partner? It feels to me that what is being offered is an inauthentic relationship where the other person is stuck in conversations that put them to sleep.

If you are uninterested in the topics others have to talk about, why would anyone be interested in yours? Start getting curious about what the person you’re into wants to talk about, without faking it. Start asking questions about topics that interest them, and be truly curious.

I am happy alone with my cute pooch until the right person appears and is genuinely present in our conversations. And they won’t be able to fake it!

I don’t have anyone who offers this type of conversation in my present awareness, beyond my children and my dog. I didn’t experience it in past relationships, which is why they failed. Grateful for my girls and my Coco. Those conversations are never lonely! And for me, it’s not about how much money a person makes. It’s about their energy and emotional intelligence.